That's better.

There's a nice fuzzy layer separating me from reality at the moment. That layer consists of two Mike's Hard Lemonades, a Tabu, and two Brown Cows. I'm trying to decide, at the moment, whether I'm going to sleep tonight or not. The fact that there's a choice in the matter is kinda freaky, I guess. I doubt I will. And I doubt I'm going to go to my class tomorrow. I only have two courses, on two days of the week. And I'm terrified of going to this one.

I have a fear of failure. I also have this way of avoiding situations where I'll feel like one. Hence my not going to the class. I have an almost dibilitating fear of going into a class in which there is the possibility of a project that I haven't finished will be passed back to all of those who did, and commented on. And there will be Cass, generally not finishing whatever the hell it is, as usual. Great.

It was one of my best friends' 20th Birthday today. I gave her a call and sent her an e-mail, but I didn't get to see her before she left the teenage years. That should be bugging me more. I'll have to allocate more "bugging" space into my psyche for this one. Yes. Indeed. Next order of business after, you know, sitting here and rambling some more. Right.

General lack of smilies lately. Maybe I'm worse off than I think I am. I used to use the things like a drug. I even made an Emoticon Lexicon, explain what in hell they were supposed to be.

Freaking God Damn. I REALLY didn't want for this to turn into a general ranting/boring/bitching journal. I like making posts about what I'm thinking, not about shit that's confusing/generally annoying me. What's up with this? Am I THAT boring that I wound up eventually running out of interesting things to say? So I'm condemned to spewing out my general grievances and day-to-day boringness to people now?

Grr.

It's strange. You'd think I decided to drink a bunch tonight to escape from something. But I didn't. I could never understand why people would drink to escape things. Alcohol is a depressant, or something like that. Not that I decided to glug a few back for that reason, either. I've never really reveled in being depressed. Or to escape. Almost the opposite, really. I seem to be able to focus at least to some extent on what's bothering me at the moment. Not that it's, you know, in focus or anything. That would be nice. Kind of unattainable, though.

I don't like brooding. I'm not brooding. I wouldn't be posting if I was brooding. I wouldn't be listening to my normal, funky playlist. I'm thinking. I'm living. I'm finding out what the hell it is I bury under my general placidness the rest of the time. 'Cause I'll be damned if I know.

I wish I could sing right now. It isn't often I get the chance to belt stuff out without waking people up.

Yeah, yeah, I know, this is getting boring. Cassie shuts up now.

A post to end the night.

It's saddening how quickly five good drinks (drunk quickly and on an empty stomach) can disappear as though they were nothing. Bleh. Where's the fun in being lucid?

I think I'm turning into a LiveJournal junkie. This is, almost without a doubt, a bad thing. But oh well.

And just to prove my lameness, a poll!

[Poll #103309]

Good morning!

I swear, I'm going to have to purposefully get a hangover one of these days, just so I can say I had one. I feel like a loser, drinking and not having to pay for it in the morning. Where's the angst in that. ;-)

Well, Cassie is probably going to tear herself away from the cool people on her various Instant Messengers now in order to get out and actually do things while the Sun is still vaguely up. And she needs real food, too. She doesn't feel all that great. Probalby because she just spent the last half hour eating not one, not two, but THREE different assortments of chocolate.

Yeah. Okay. Leaving now. Honest.