cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
It's been a while coming, but I think now's the time.

Same username over there - I doubt I'll be posting much (but maybe? Haha, who am I kidding.) But I read LJ daily so if you're moving over there, let me know so I can follow you!
cassaclyzm: (Default)
It's been... a while. I have a lot of thoughts. Too many. My brain
feels full of fuzz. I'm stealing this venerable survey from [livejournal.com profile] eeyorerin in hopes that having a logical structure will help
me think through some stuff. This may be boring. No promises.

Here's the thingie. )

Well. I feel like I got pissier as I went. And speaking of, it's
pissing rain out on the night I finally decided to get out of the
house and go see Rogue One. So. Let's hope nobody asks for a punching!
Because I am IN THE MOOD.
cassaclyzm: (Goofy grin)
Well, the interview anyway. On Tuesday. It went well, I think. It's always a little hard to tell. It was essentially two separate interviews, one with a specialist from the team and one with the team lead. I didn't feel like I flubbed anything and I didn't feel like I hit it out of the park, to my knowledge. So we'll see. I'm not sure when I'll find out, though I'm sure that no matter what it'd be a "starting in the new year" deal, what with Christmas coming up. Really soon. Shockingly soon. Dang.

I don't actually know if they're interviewing anybody else for the position. They might be, or they might just be waiting for the right candidate. The nice thing is that if I don't get it, it's not the end of the world. My job continues and I keep looking and poking my nose around for other opportunities.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I have an interview for that different position at work. Probably later this week, unless the scheduling people drop the ball, in which case it'll be next week.

It's not a sure thing, and I'll be going in with lots of questions and concerns. But I'm finding that even though it's scary, I'm looking forward to it. It's time for a change. Maybe this is it.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I was doing NaNoWriMo this year, but I realized fairly early on that my project didn't interest me enough. Writing in general isn't interesting me much lately. Is anything? I'm having trouble figuring out if my lack of focus is genuine confusion, or self-preservation from potential failures, or a symptom of a separate mental or physical ailment. Or something else entirely.

Work is fine, but it's getting boring, and while I'm doing okay moneywise I'm not making enough to put a real dent in any of my debt. It's frustrating, and overwhelming when I'm in a bad headspace. HOWEVER. My manager sidled up to me in the lunch room the other day to put a bug in my ear about a job opening. It has... some pretty big cons, but also some pros. Might as well put 'em in a list!

- more dealing with customers, particularly ones who are irate enough to want to cancel
-- IN FRENCH
- lots more micromanagement when it comes to certain targets and statistics
+ pays better, and if the aforementioned micromanaged targets are met/exceeded, bonuses are a thing
+ no more weekends ever, including holidays
+ no shifts that start before 8am or end after 8pm

Basically I'd be working harder, but with better hours, and making more. Would I hate it? I dunno. I feel like if they train me well and if I'm given the right tools, I could do it. And it's not like I couldn't shift to something else down the line if it wasn't turning out to be my cup of tea.

At any rate, I applied for it, so we'll see what happens. If I get an interview I plan on being incredibly upfront about where I stand. If they don't go for me, then no harm, no foul.
cassaclyzm: (Default)
I've never posted by email before. This should be fun. FUN, I SAY. I hope
the formatting is halfway decent.

It's been about a month since I updated. Falling back into old
habits. Anyway! STUFF THAT'S HAPPENED SINCE THEN:

- I built my computer! And then fell into a guilt-depression spiral because
it cost a lot of money. I really like it for the most part, though I am
thinking that I cheaped out too much on the processor. I need a little more
beef in order to do video editing and streaming. Though I am drooling over
i7 processors that cost like 450 smackers, I am probably looking more at an
i5 6500 which with taxes included should run me about 300$. Gotta save my
pennies.

- Work has been okay. I'm slightly on auto-pilot now. I should be pushing
to get interviews in other departments, but that takes... y'know. Effort? I
am not feeling anything involving "effort" lately. My dishes routinely pile
up, I still haven't moved my computer into my office because it will need a
bit of tidying and organizing to set up, etc. Probably compounding this is
that making food is hard, so I am relying on fast food too much. I feel
tired a lot. I should probably make an appointment with my doctor (and for
that matter, book a teeth cleaning and some dental stuff I need to do) but
this requires effort and so the spiral continues. HOORAY.

- Pretty much the only thing I've been able to work on with any amount of
regularity is some speed running of a game called "Refunct." Right now I'm
just barely in the top 20 runners, and that's about 6-7 seconds off the
world record. It's a tight race! It's nice to have a thing to focus on that
feels like it's within my ability to handle and work on and improve at, you
know?
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
Slept in super late and woke up with a mild headache which bloomed into a pretty bad headache over the course of a couple of hours. One of those rare "turn all the lights off" situations. It's receded back into the mild end of the spectrum, but my brain still feels oddly pressurized. It rained for most of the day, which might have something to do with it.

Possibly related, but my stomach hasn't quite felt right all day either. I was hoping that eating some food would help, and it did seem to help with the mild nausea I'd been experiencing, but I still don't feel normal. Bleh. I'm feeling a bit restless and I'd like to play a game or something, but I'm not sure if I'm up for the eye strain. I might try lying down and listening to a podcast or something for a bit to see if that helps with my overall grossness situation.

In nicer news, I finally ordered the parts for my new PC! I got the first one in the mail yesterday (my power supply), and a whole bunch of other bits will come in on Monday. A couple of things are slated for Tuesday/Wednesday, though I'm crossing my fingers that they get there early so I can put it together on Tuesday, which I have off from work.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I just had a long weekend in which I got nearly zero things done. No cleaning. No planning. Next to no cooking. That I'm patting myself on the back for making two sandwiches to bring to work for lunches is somewhat disheartening.

I'm not sure what the block is, but it makes executive function hard. Even when I get started on a thing, having to make a decision or any ambiguity in "step 2" of a process causes my brain to go into a total flatline. I spin my wheels for a bit, then give up and retreat into the numbly comforting world of dumb YouTube videos and games I've played a thousand times before. Rinse and repeat.

Having a goal helps, but I don't know how to actually take my own goals seriously. Because in the end, what do I know? I'm just some asshole. Who says my goals are any good?
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
Me Day 2 is done, and I didn't get much done around the house after all. But I feel rested and recharged, so I'm confident that I can pick away at those projects in the evenings after work instead of coming home exhausted and drained.

One thing I'm really happy I took the time for is gaming. I played some games that have been lingering in my Steam library for a while now, and I briefly revisited some old favourites. I'm in a think-piecey mood, so here are some thoughts:

New Games )

Between the narration elements of The Beginner's Guide and the simple storytelling through RPG Maker of To the Moon, I'm starting to get a good idea of the kind of game I want to start working on.

Old Faves )

The only other thing of note that I did on Sunday was stew some freshly killed tomatoes from my landlords' garden, because they were super ripe and needed to be preserved right away. They also gave me four HUGE zucchini that I'm going to have to find a use for. I have some ideas, and I can freeze some. Mostly I'm trying not to get stressed out about it - if it goes bad, it goes bad. I didn't ask for your zucchini, maaan! I'm not a part of your system, maaaaan!
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
Okay, so after what felt like four straight months of madness, I was like THIS WEEKEND IS FOR ME.

Usually I over-plan and then feel guilty for not "getting everything done." So I tried something new this time. No plans. No "to do" lists full of exclamation marks. No beating myself up or overthinking.

Instead, I did this:

1) I asked myself what I felt like doing.
2) I double checked to make sure I actually felt like doing the thing. If I did:
3) I did the thing. (If I didn't, I took a breather, then returned to step 1.)

It doesn't look like much? But it's been good. I gave myself full permission to do nothing if that's what I really felt like. But even though there was lots of relaxing time in my day, I got caught up on dishes (I was woefully behind), got some groceries, and took the time to do some really good self care stuff. I feel both rested and accomplished. And I have another whole day! What is this, a WEEKEND?!
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I'm switching my schedule around this week - I worked Saturday from 1-9pm, and then had to be in Monday morning for 8am. So naturally I didn't get to bed until 3 or so last night. It was cool out and a little stuffy in my apartment so I opened the kitchen window. I had a bunch of glasses and jars and a measuring cup drying on a tea towel on the counter nearby. I moved them all to one side of it to make sure the kitty could get up to the window without knocking any of them over.

Well.

At 3:30 - mere seconds after I'd finally gone to sleep - I am jolted awake with an UNGODLY SOUND OF GLASS CRASHING, ALL THE GLASS. I yelled "WOAH WOAH WOAH" like that would help, and turned on the light in time to see a very sheepish cat dash past me and hide up on my dresser.

In hindsight, I should have known her claw might get caught in the towel. Theoretically.

Full tally of broken things:

- Two drinking glasses (my last two!)
- One giant pickle jar
- One two-cup measuring cup

I put on my sandals and swept everything into a little pile out of the way. I'll deal with it when I get home today, and I'll do another pass with the broom and one with the vacuum.

Things I'm thankful for:

- The glasses, etc. were clean and empty and dry, which will make clean-up easier
- My two (expensive!) Video Games Awesome beer steins were not part of the carnage
- I'd already made my lunch for work, so my need to use the kitchen this morning was minimal
- Kitty is fine
- One jar didn't break! :D :D :D
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
My friend Kat is visiting from out of town with her partner and their two kids. One of them is almost four (Q), the other is five months old (E). It's been fun! And INTERESTING. I've had them over to my place a couple of times. Kids! In my apartment!

A brief summary of adventures! )

All of this has been lovely, but after the past few months of moving/hosting/visiting I am starting to feel a little burned out. Though it's also possible that the underlying depression/anxiety stuff (which I'd juuuust started to try and get a grip on before I was galvanized into apartment-related action) is doing the burning. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

Either way, after the coming weekend I should have a little time to myself. I want to finish setting up my apartment: set up my office, put up my pictures/art, and put that last coat of paint on my kitchen cupboards. (And ask to be reimbursed for the paint and paint supplies, which I've been putting off. Who knows why.) I sort of want to do more, but I'm prone to over-plan, so I'll leave it at that.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
In my defense, it's been busy. Most of the time. *cough*

I'mma go ahead and steal [livejournal.com profile] clawfoot's bites format, because a bullet list is the balm that soothes the tl;dr.

  • I went home! It was grand. I got to visit all of my grandparents a bunch, and catch up with friends, and get some SUN. IN THE MARITIMES. WHAT THE WHAT. The weather was perfect - low to mid twenties, sunny, good humidity. I ate a lot of stuff off the barbee, watched a lot of birds on the bird feeder, saw the highest tides in the world roll all the way in, and drank a metric fuckton of beer with my folks. Perfect. (I even managed to sneakily take them out for dinner once. The secret: don't tell them you're paying, then steal the bill at the end and hold on for dear life.)


  • While I was away, my friend Vall was watching my apartment and my kitty. Apparently my apartment was mad about me leaving because it gave Vall no end of trouble. My Netflix kept freezing, my knife broke while she was cutting garlic (?!), and my lamp committed lampicide when she deigned to brush against it with an armload of blankets. Like I told her, the knife sucked and I hated the lamp, so no actual harm done. I feel bad for her, though. Breaking someone else's stuff sucks. On the up side, she left a bunch of stupidly cute drawings around my house of my stuff welcoming me back ("Couch missed you!" "Bed eagerly awaits your return! :D :D :D") which was both touching and funny as hell.


  • Before I went home I bought myself part 2 of my birthday gift to myself (part 1 being a new phone that I swear was only half so I could play Pok√©mon Go): an El Gato HD capture card! Now my dreams of being a crappy copy of Game Grumps can finally come to fruition. I got it hooked up and did some preliminary recording with my friend Samia which went pretty well. I want to get lav mics for better sound, and my laptop appears to be unable to handle editing video anymore so it'll be a while before I can do anything with the episodes that are worth keeping. But it was nice to get started after a year of putting that particular project off.


  • I'm going to build myself a PC using Logical Increments! I need something that can handle some video editing and light to medium gaming, as well as a bit of streaming. I haven't built a PC since the late nineties so this is bound to be an adventure. I'm pretty sure it's waaaay easier nowadays than it was back then. If necessary I will call in the expertise of [livejournal.com profile] cow and/or [livejournal.com profile] epi_lj.


  • It's been ages since I've written anything. It's been quite a while since I've even wanted to. But that part, at least, is finally coming back. I need a little goal of some sort to get me going. Putting some black on that first white page is hard.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
Since Canada day, I've been busy.

The stupendous [livejournal.com profile] epi_lj picked me up on July 2nd and we went all over the city obtaining things for my new apartment. It was a long, tough, but all together pretty great day.

The next day I puttered around and got the place as put together as I could in preparation for my folks arriving the next day.

My new place wound up being a good fit for three people, which was a huge relief. There wasn't much head-bonking on the weird bulkheads, the kitchen table sat three of us beautifully, and my folks were comfortable in the bed. And I was surprisingly happy sleeping on the couch for nine nights in a row - I wasn't counting down the days until I could sleep in my bed again. I'll be pretty comfortable offering it as a crash space for guests, which is a big feature that I was afraid I'd lose out on when I had to move. (This place will be WAY better for parties, too. I'd really like to host people more often.)

The vacation was a nice balance of sleeping in / having relaxed mornings and getting out and doing a lot of fun stuff. We saw a Jays game and went to Hamilton for a CFL game, we ate amazing food and drank amazing beers, and I got to have an awesome birthday celebration with a huge percentage of my favourite people all talking and laughing together.

I've been a little depressed since my mom and dad left, not in small part because I'm back to work at my talking-heavy job and I have a sore throat. Really looking forward to a low key weekend to recover.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I did my last cleaning pass in the old place this morning, after going in for a bit last night. I did a good surface clean, but I suspected he was getting cleaners in, so I didn't go TOO nuts. They can do the deep cleaning. I was happy with how I left the place, and that's what matters.

Handed over the keys and got a quick cab home with my last few straggling things. My timing was perfect - it had rained earlier, and not long after I got in it started pouring.

And then... I TOOK A SHOWER. A long, luxurious, soapy, sudsy shower. Oh man. Oh man you guys. That felt amazing. (I'd planned on going back to the old place and showering while waiting for this one to be ready, but that wound up being too much of a logistical headache. So I spent the week taking sponge baths and using lots of deodorant.)

My throat feels cruddy but I have steadfastly decided NOT TO GET SICK. Nope. No sir.

I am going to go out and grab a food shortly, then spend the evening picking away at some unpacking.

Happy Canada Day!
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)

  • I have internet at my new place! Sweet, sweet internet, how I missed you. (And by "missed you" I mean "missed being able to watch YouTube videos in HD instead of in 144p while using my phone as a mobile hot spot." To be truly without internet is a thing which I can scarcely fathom.)

  • I like the open feeling of the space in this place. It feels bright and inviting. I wish the ceilings and bulkheads were about... four inches higher.

  • DOUBLE SINK. I did some dishes tonight and I forgot how much I missed having a double sink. Need to buy a plug though. The one that's here straight up doesn't fit.

  • Going to need to get creative with the cupboard space. It's at a high premium in this place. I have a weird wirey shelf that came with the house that I'm thinking of turning into a place for pans and pots. And maybe dish cloths/towels.

  • Shower is done phase one. Two more phases over the next couple of days.

  • Tomorrow is Update All the Address Junk Day. First up: driver's licence and health card.

  • I am unpacking very, very, very slowly. I am pretty much okay with this. (Though it'll be nice when stuff is put away. Just... not quite as nice as taking it easy after a nutty couple of weeks.)

IT IS DONE

Jun. 27th, 2016 09:18 am
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
The move! It's done!*

I couldn't be happier that I went with movers. They were there at 9AM on the dot with the truck, whereupon I put the kitty in the bathroom for a little while. (Later, when they were mostly done but one of the guys needed to use the bathroom, I put her in the livingroom window so she would have a little enclave that she could observe from, but that was too high to jump out of.) For me the move was mostly answering questions and staying out of the way.

My kitchen table needed to have the legs removed, and my couch wound up getting mostly taken apart in order to get it into the new place. They put both of them back together, no problems. They also brought up my old computer desk which I'm throwing out so I didn't have to lug it to the curb myself. All in all the move took two and a half hours. Including tip, I paid 385$. WORTH IT.

Not long afterward, the amazing [livejournal.com profile] clawfoot and the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] epi_lj came and helped move my kitty to the new place. Kitty!

I haven't unpacked much. I was a zombie for most of the rest of Saturday, and Sunday was [livejournal.com profile] amplepie's birthday party! It was nice to have an afternoon of sitting around relaxing with cool people after the silly week leading up to my move.

On my way home I stopped by the old place and picked up a few things - most importantly, my Bell modem (router? Thing? MAGICAL INTERNET BOX) so I can get the internet set up at my new place tonight. YAY!



*I still need to go back and collect one or two little things, put a bunch of stuff in the recycling/garbage bin, take my art off the walls, do some minor paint repair, and clean. But this is small potatoes.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
So I told my landlords a week or so ago that I was moving in early. Maybe I did the thing where I didn't use firm language ("maybes" and "probablies" abound), or maybe they're just really bad at focusing on getting things done, but the long and the short of it is this: my shower won't be ready until about a week after I move in.

Yes, this puts it at a July 1-type date. Which means I can shower at my other place until then, at least, and it'll be up and running (literally) when my folks come to town. But seriously, guys. The apartment has been vacant for a month and a half. You couldn't have started on this shit earlier?

Anyway. I have elected to be a good sport, if only for the benefit of my own mental health.

My painting buddy bailed again! I can't really blame her, she twisted her ankle at work the night before and was hoping it'd be back to normal by painting time. Totally fair. But you know how certain people... you just plan for them to bail on you 75% of the time? I love her dearly, but she is one of those types.

Luckily I had the incomparable and awesome [livejournal.com profile] epi_lj on my side! We picked up a rug that I bought on a lark (impulsive decisions, so unlike me!) and spent a solid three hours finishing up the painting. It looks pretty good. The fronts of the cupboards could use another coat, so I will probably do that some evening next week. That'll be a pretty small job.

The oven is, as I described it last night, "capital G gross." So gross that I texted the previous tenant with a wee bit of a guilt trip. So gross that I am sorely tempted to hire someone to clean it. But I told myself that I was forgoing cleaners because I'm paying for movers, and I'd like to keep my costs down. And as I was saying to [livejournal.com profile] epi_lj last night, doing this sort of thing - painting, cleaning, whatever - helps to make a space feel like it's yours. So maybe it's time to learn how to deep clean an oven.

Tonight: major packing. My most elusive targets are the little things that I've been letting my eyes slide over for the past couple of weeks. Time to go, little things. Time to go.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I got about a third of my to do list done last night. One of my friends got broken up with (over the phone, BOO HISS) and needed a friend. So I bought donuts and skipped making soup in favour of heating up some spaghetti sauce and boiling some noodles. We brought a blanket out to the lawn across the street and laid on it, eating donuts and, in her case, crying and chain smoking until the sun went all the way down.

Ugh. I feel really awful for her. It's the fresh open wound stage. Also known as the "it's my fault / I'll never find love" stage. That's some rough shit.

Last round of painting tonight. Then I have two evenings to pack All The (rest of the) Things.
cassaclyzm: (I do say...)
I had a painting buddy last night! After we exchanged my wrong paint (apparently only one can was wrong? It was hard to tell because apart from a tiiiiny bit of text the cans were EXACTLY THE SAME) and had a quick McDonald's supper on the benches outside at Dundas West station, we finally got to work. In two hours we got about half the apartment painted. Man, it's nice to have a buddy.

It's looking as good as I can hope for - the previous paint job was pretty crappy, so I can't fix everything. But it's better. I'm hoping to get a chance to do a second coat on a couple of areas.

Wednesday we're going back and [livejournal.com profile] epi_lj is joining us for ROUND 3!

(I'd like to paint the bathroom at some point, because it's dumb and blue, but that's a battle for another day.)

Tonight: a to do list of sorting, purging, prepping and packing )

I think that's plenty for tonight. This is my "day off" from painting after all. I've also been skimping on sleep the past couple of nights, so I need to try to put myself to bed a little early.
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